Writing Posts

Are hard.

Even writing in a personal journal does take some effort to get started. The only posts that really ‘flow naturally’ are the ones that are borne out of sadness, frustration or spite. When I’m happy, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about sharing my feelings with strangers on the internet. When I’m unhappy, however, I will write thousands of words detailing exactly why and how I came to be that way. The internet must always be kept abreast regarding my troubles. But they can’t know exactly whose troubles they’re reading about.

Anonymity is another issue: many of the things that happen to me would be difficult to communicate without personal context. I keep descriptions of my identity intentionally vague so as to be able to write unpopular and personal opinions without fear of reprisal. But even if I were doxed to the most intimate degree, what would come of it? Would someone come up to me in public and shout “HAHA GET A LOAD OF THIS FAGGOT SHARING HIS FEELINGS ON THE INTERNET?” Sure, I share some things on here that I don’t tell most people, things that would likely embarrass me to some degree if they were known to people I live and work with. Perhaps the only difference between me and them is that I’ve taken the effort to vocalize these feelings; to make an issue of it would be to hypocritically imply that they are exempt of socially compromising character flaws.

Another thing is perhaps finding the right words to be used in the right way to accurately convey a certain message. I have a Word document filled with the beginnings of various posts on a variety of topics, but I often give up a few paragraphs in because I find that I’ve either veered off course or am struggling to articulate my thoughts and feelings well.

Other times, I’m just fucking lazy.

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