Thoughts: You’re A Student, Do Your Fucking Job

Living in a capitalist society, I go about my business with the understanding that I get what I pay for, more or less.

If I take my car to the mechanic and he fixes half of the issues, or puts on half a tyre, there’s no chance I’m fucking paying him.

If I go to the grocery store, grab what I need, and then only have half of what was swiped put in the bags for me to take home, then I’m going to go apeshit.

Similarly, I can’t show up to any job whatsoever, only do half of what I’m supposed to, and expect to get paid.

The only exception that there seems to be is in the education system.

Primary and secondary institutions aside (they include people who don’t want to be there in the first place), the standards of tertiary education are fucking laughable, at least in my country.

As I understand it, here is what happens: you show up voluntarily, you’re there because you want to be there. You have a general idea of how difficult your chosen field will be because you presumably became generally familiar with it during high school. The university takes a substantial amount of your money and provides you with lectures, course materials, tutorials, practicals and final examinations, which determine whether or not you are skilled or proficient in what you have chosen to study. Just like a mechanic is expected to know how to fix a car correctly, just like a cashier is expected to be able to push buttons and manage basic arithmetic, by having a bachelor’s degree, you are expected to know your shit.

However, the way this is ascertained is that you are to show that you know half of everything in the space of two to three hours on one day only, and that you manage to convey this via writing.

Here, where I live, even in a respectable STEM degree, you only require 50% to pass the assessments and receive an undergraduate degree. Often, they’ll ‘adjust’ the marks so that you’ll get bumped up to 50% on the dot even though you could barely answer maybe a third of the questions. I know this has been the case, because I didn’t study for an exam, answered a paltry amount of the sections, and was given a pass.

People screw around, they cram, they fuck up the exam, and after three years they still get a Bachelor’s in whatever the fuck they chose right out of high school. This group of people has included me more than once, and I’m fucking ashamed.

What’s worse is, is that people are paying for such low fucking standards. The students who are responsible for funding their own tuition probably value their education more and thus work harder, but for the majority of people living off daddy’s money, it’s just a fucking waste. All of this money is being given away so that you can gain a cursory knowledge of some subject, which you’ll forget within a few months? What the fuck?

Of course, there are probably reasons for this. Good ones. Universities need funding. If they can extract this from the parents of dumbfounded dipshits* or the debt of young people lacking means, then yeah, they’ll go through with it. If they set the bar ‘too high’ (i.e. to an acceptable standard) then too many people will fail and complain, undergraduates and their parents will take their money elsewhere, and suddenly the teat goes dry. They have to cater to the pleb masses that will never make any future contribution to academics whatsoever in order to stay afloat.

To be fair, recognition is given to those who take things seriously and show that yes, they are actually knowledgeable and proficient in their chosen field. Cum laude. Summa cum laude. Latin phrases making you think of semen for a split second before the admiration sets in. Furthermore, tertiary institutions start getting very fucking friendly when they see that you’re in the top 10%. Scholarships, payouts, invitations to graduate and research programs, that sort of thing.

But still, at the end of the day, even if I achieve Summa cum in my mouth Mr Valedictorian, I’ll still be lumped in with the rest of the lazy cunts who managed to scrape by. And that doesn’t sit well with my fragile sense of elitism.

* I find myself experiencing an odd sense of pride that Microsoft Word recognized ‘dipshits’ as an actual word that did not require correction. Office Masterrace forever.

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